Dave J. Johnson is the academy’s resident janitor. Having been homeschooled with a mother who was more enthusiastic than she was literate, Dave now takes the academy’s senior courses to catch up on K-12 materials he never got to study.

Religious, conspiratorial, and a little too eager to share personal details, he is the terror of anyone who wants a conversation to get to the point in less than a calendar month.

Dave is able to see concentrations of micro-organisms as emmitting a glow, meaning that the dirtier an object is, the more light it emits. This has led to him developing extreme germaphobia, walking everywhere with gloves and alcoholic sanitizer.